Moar plot.

[merikuru]

Aaaand the next part of the plot, just after Doma Castle. Poor Y'senia.


Embarrassing as it is, I don't manage to stop crying completely until our vessel has nearly reached Eorzea.

It's Lyse who ventures below deck to inform me land has been sighted, and this time I'm simply too worn out to even try and send her away like I've been doing to everyone the entire voyage, instead turning my face away so she won't see my still-wet cheeks and giving her only the slightest of nods to confirm I've heard her - nearly there, after all, is not actually there, and until the ship has docked and I can set foot on the Limsan pier again, I don't intend to move even an ilm from the seclusion of the cabin I've been given. It isn't worth trying to stave off the inevitable sympathy and consolation from all the others, and that being combined with a most uncharacteristic touch of seasickness besides, venturing out is absolutely not something I am inclined at all to do. (It's ridiculous, really - a Warrior of Light, the vaunted hero of Eorzea, slayer of primals, stealer of pants - where did that one come from, anyway, Hancock never did tell me where he'd heard that, and I certainly do not recall stealing any pants in my time, unless those imperial uniforms count - in any case, for me to be affected so is simply--)

"...You can see him again, you know," Lyse says softly, breaking me out of my thoughts, and I don't even notice she's drawn near until her hand touches my shoulder with gentle sympathy. "Thancred, I mean. I'm sure he'll be glad to see you."

I flinch a little, unconsciously, my ears flattening, and duck my head a little more in guilty indignance; thankfully, she doesn't seem to take offence, because I certainly don't intend any even if I am in a sour mood. "...I can't possibly face him like this," I say petulantly, without really meaning to, but well...there it is, and I can't very well unsay it. "We're meant to return heroes, proud and strong, heads held high - not...mewling kits merely laid low with fear and grief. I can't face him, or anyone like this, Lyse...let me be for just a little while longer. Please."

She studies me, frowns a little and lets her hand drop, but instead of turning about to leave like I expected her to, she instead sits herself right down next to me and waits for me to give her an incredulous look before she speaks again, hands coming up to hold to my face so I can't turn my eyes away again. "Listen to me, Y'senia, just for a moment. From the time we first met, I've had the privilege of watching you grow, watching you change - from that frightened and wary woman who didn't truly know what friendship was, into someone who's learnt to finally open her heart to others and give them everything she herself never had before. But you didn't do it alone, you know, and being alone now isn't going to help anything. You're always sharing everyone else's sorrow so they can bear it...but by the same token, you need to let us share yours as well. I know you understand that..." she trails off, lets out a soft sigh and lowers her eyes, giving the slightest of headshakes and a wry smile. "No, this just sounds silly, doesn't it? I only wanted to reassure you like you're always doing for all of us, but those sorts of words sound far less ostentatious when they come from your mouth. I'm sorry...please don't laugh at me?"

Feeling a bit sick with guilt now, which is entirely unpleasant on top of the seasickness, I take a few deep breaths before I even attempt to say anything, finally bringing a hand up to briefly touch one of hers in apology. "No, I...there's nothing to laugh over. You're entirely right, I just..." another wave of tears threatens to well up, and I let my eyes close firmly to stave them off, not protesting when she puts her arms gently round my shoulders in an attempt to comfort me. "...It's at times like this that I feel I haven't really changed. That I'm still that selfsame child, the one who doesn't know how to open up to others and is too frightened besides. Every time I lose someone I've come to think of as an ally, a friend...that child wakes within me once again and makes me feel as if it's all been for naught. It's humiliating, to be so helpless again even after everything we've overcome." Another deep breath, and the urge to cry is at last beginning to fade, which does make me feel a little bit relieved. "...I'm sorry, Lyse; I'll be all right. You shouldn't have had to see me like this...but I am grateful. That you care, I mean. You and everyone..."

"And we always will," Lyse reassures me, strokes a hand briefly over my hair before letting me go with a sympathetic smile. "So please try and cheer up a little, all right?"

It doesn't seem like such a tall order any more, my jumbled emotions finally settling, and I manage a teary little smile of my own. "Will you knock me unconscious if I don't?"

"Don't tempt me," she says mock-severely, folds her arms as if offended. "Besides, Thancred would be furious."

That gets an unexpected snort of a laugh out of me, and my ears flatten forward in sheepish embarrassment. "Yes, I suppose he'd rather do it himself - ow, ow, be gentle, won't you, my head is killing me--"

"That's what you get," Lyse sniffs, but she does stop rubbing her knuckles forcefully into the top of my head and let me go anyway.

The ship is not long after that in reaching Limsa, and stepping out onto the salt-crusted wood of the pier is such a relieving feeling that I nearly swoon, only the fact that I'm more in control of my own emotional state and do not wish to further embarrass myself keeping me from doing just that; there's no time to be foolish anyway, as we promptly make for the airship landing and the final stage of our journey to check in on things, and my entire being seems to be awash in excited impatience by the time we get there, the feeling so all-consuming that I'm hardly paying attention to anything around me. We're one step closer to being able to simply relax, to go about our normal duties, one step closer to me at last being able to--

A familiar voice sounds behind us - Merlwyb's voice - but apart from one ear twitching back enough to halfheartedly listen, I pay it hardly any heed until the conversation cuts into my reverie enough to chill me to the bone.

What? Krile...taken prisoner?

...I really can't be appreciative that the feel of my stomach seemingly dropping right into my feet is no different on land than it is at sea, even if I have become accustomed to forcing away the queasy sensation it brings.

Everyone's words are becoming a blur again, though out of alarm rather than merely being lost in my own thoughts, and quite frankly I don't have the energy to concentrate enough to make out everything that's being said, instead just letting it all wash over me and my ears try to pick out the most important bits all on their own - and of course, traitorous thing that my mind is, the one thing it fixates on is the mention of a very certain person who is, at the moment, apparently at Castrum Oriens to do some looking into the matter. That's where I need to be, then-- and the very instant that thought crosses my mind, I'm already turning, reaching out to the surrounding aether, trying to pretend my heart isn't pounding like it's trying to beat its way free of my chest. There's no time to waste, I can't simply fool around, it's better just to go straight there.

"Y'senia," Alphinaud exclaims, reaches to seize hold of my arm as if to stop me, but I evade him easily, helped in part by the fact that Alisaie promptly pulls him bodily away by the shoulders before he can actually touch me. "What are you - after everything you've just been through, you can't risk--"

"Let her go," Alisaie says firmly, and though worry is clear in her eyes when I look back at her in surprise, she gives me a quick nod that tells me to hurry. "Surely you can't think her incapable of reaching for an aetheryte, even if she is exhausted?"

Thank you, I try to convey to her with a tilt of my head and a faint, humorless smile, and the sound of the two of them arguing fades away in the all-consuming swirl of aether that envelops me.

I do stumble once my feet touch the ground again, dizziness briefly welling within me, but it's simple enough to push the feeling away and I manage to straighten once I've caught my breath, looking around with a raw desperation that I'm certain must betray the clamouring panic within me. Surely he can't have left already, he must still be here, I can't be too late - and it's only a few moments before I confirm that I am in time, a surge of relief hazing my mind when I spot the familiar figure standing several yalms away, and the suddenness with which I break out into a clumsy run surprises even me. Gods above, for me to be excited right now when it's clear everything's going to hell is almost disappointing, but even so--

"Thancred!" I raise my voice before I can continue that line of thought, hoarse and breathless, and I'm reaching out to him even as he turns with surprise in his eyes. "Thancred--"

When he sees me, he smiles, and even as tinged with concern for current affairs as it is, that expression might be the best thing I've seen in a long while.

"Gods," I gasp out, half laugh and half sob, and then I'm close enough to throw myself into his waiting arms, burying my face into his shoulder and breathing in the familiar scent of him, the feel of his tight embrace immediately quieting the last threads of helpless sorrow that had been lingering within me. "I was afraid I might have missed you..."

"It was only fair recent I arrived here myself," Thancred admits, presses his cheek briefly into my hair and then turns me loose, though he's obviously just as reluctant to do so as I am to let go of him; nonetheless, I do, taking just enough of a step back to look up at his face and somewhat shyly returning the smile he's still giving me. "You look utterly exhausted, Y'senia - have you been overdoing it again? We really ought to have a chat about that at some point."

One ear flattens sheepishly, but I manage to keep from looking any more scolded than that, head turning a little at the familiar sound and sensation of manipulated aether nearby - the others have arrived, which means Merlwyb must have finished briefing them and sent them on their way to join me. "Never mind that, for the moment. We've heard the news..."

"In broad strokes," Alisaie says as the others join us, and thank the gods, not a one of them comments on the fact that perhaps I'm standing a bit - alright, far closer to Thancred than is strictly necessary right now. "From Admiral Bloefhiswyn. What happened?"

Thancred goes serious, turns to face everyone more completely, exhaling a sigh. "Krile and a squadron of Resistance fighters were escorting Y'shtola and several other wounded to the Rising Stones for further treatment," he begins, and though I want so badly to reach out and take his hand when he rests it on the hilt of one of his blades in a nervous motion, I refrain. "Unfortunately, they were ambushed by imperial forces along the way. Arenvald and his men fought valiantly, but in the chaos--"

"I will make no excuses," interrupts Arenvald from where he's stood nearby, and I startle briefly; I hadn't honestly even noticed he was there as well, so relieved was I to see Thancred again. "We failed to protect her."

Alisaie shakes her head, looking sympathetic. "Do not be so hard on yourself. You protected Y'shtola and the others, did you not?" she reassures Arenvald, folding her arms, a hand going to her chin in a posture of deep attentiveness. "Tell us about the attack."

Arenvald nods, heaving a deep sigh of his own, shoulders slumping a little. "It was the Skulls. They knew a path across the Wall we hadn't found. We thought we were safe once we reached the Black Shroud, but we weren't expecting an ambush..." He shakes his head, looking most disappointed in himself, a feeling I can sympathise greatly with. "During the fighting, I caught a glimpse of their leader's memories. It was all planned."

"The advantage of having a Walker in the field," Alphinaud muses, his gaze flicking between Arenvald and me as he speaks.

"I'm not as strong in the Echo as Y'senia is, of course. Half the time, it's enough to knock me on my arse, like I've taken a dose of concentrated aether..." Arenvald barks a bitter laugh, lets his shoulders lift a bit in a what-can-you-do shrug.

Lyse nods slowly, her arms folded, fingers tapping idly. "So you walked in Fordola's memories. What did you see?"

Arenvald is silent for a moment, his eyes going distant, recalling the vision he'd seen. "A woman promised the world - education, training, citizenship - all that and more if she but sold her soul. A traitor to her people, a pretender to her masters..." his mouth twists briefly, a sour expression, but it is soon gone to deadly seriousness again. "...It was Zenos himself that gave the order. Told her to return with Krile Baldesion - alive."

Thancred nods once, thumb rubbing over the hilt of his blade now, an agitated motion. "Our agents have been monitoring imperial communications since the attack, but we have yet to intercept any transmissions making reference to Krile or her current whereabouts."

"If their orders were to bring Krile back alive, we can save her if we move quickly enough." Alphinaud's expression has firmed; he's now wearing the look that always makes Alisaie look at him like she doesn't want to know what sort of plan he's come up with this time. (Which is precisely what she's doing, and I almost want to laugh at the normalcy of that.) "You were already thinking that yourself, were you not?"

"As you say, time is of the essence," Thancred agrees, and this time when his hand twitches in agitation, I can't resist reaching out to rest my own over it for the briefest of moments - a motion that, thankfully, everyone else pretends not to have noticed. "Which is why I intend to slip past enemy lines and see what information I can uncover on my own. In the meantime, it is up to you and our allies to command the imperials' attention. Lots of shouting and explosions and so forth. Keep them distracted, and I will find her."

I open my mouth to offer protest, but Alphinaud, as if to stop me, speaks again before I can do any more than draw breath. "Very well. I wish I could do more to aid you, but I understand."

"Commander Kemp is on his way to the castrum as we speak for a meeting with General Aldynn. If you hurry," Thancred says, already turning to leave, "you could find him on the road, and discuss the situation beforehand. Make haste - the sooner this situation is dealt with, the better it will be for all of us."

"Thancred," I burst out, before anyone can stop me from speaking again, and damn what anyone else thinks, I'm reaching out to him in desperation. "Wait--"

He hesitates midstep, pauses and turns just enough to look at me. "What is it?"

"...Please...come here for a moment," I murmur, a little nervously, taking a step forward - part of me is thoroughly mortified at what I'm about to do, but the rest of me is filled with utter panic at the thought of something happening to him, and I know I won't ever forgive myself if I don't take this chance, no matter how embarrassing it is. "I swear I won't keep you long."

Sizing me up for a moment, Thancred finally gives the faintest hint of a wry smile, moves close enough to take me by the shoulders and look down at me with warm eyes. "I will come back to you," he promises, just loud enough for me to hear and no one else, and I somehow manage to be a little surprised at the way my heart seems to skip a beat at those words. "You can be sure of it. So...be strong, Y'senia. Hold fast, and wait for me."

"I will," I respond, a bare whisper, and then I'm arching up onto my toes, my hands clenching tight into the front of his shirt for support as I press my lips to his.

He tenses in surprise, a brief stillness, but then he's kissing me back and his arms are wrapping tight about me and gods, if only this moment could last forever - but it inevitably has to end, and when it does I don't even have to look to know the same embarrassment is flooding the both of us, but it's so rare to see him flustered that I can't help but smile even through the chagrin. "Well, that aside," he says, clears his throat roughly and doesn't quite meet my eyes (or anyone else's), stepping away and once more turning to leave. "Best of luck. Hopefully none of us will need it."

"Be careful," I say quietly, taking a deep breath, and watch him until he's out of sight beyond the walls of the castrum, only then turning to see the others looking at me with varying levels of surprise on their faces. "...What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

None of them speaks for a long moment, until Lyse breaks the heavy silence with a giggle, a hand coming up to cover her mouth. "Well, this is just the first time you two have - you know, in front of everyone..."

"You make it sound as if I've done something wrong," I say defensively, ears flattening back just a little, tail twitching in vexation. "That's not what you're thinking, right?"

"No, of course not--" Lyse puts her hands up in a placating gesture, but the way she's smiling makes it clear she knows I'm not genuinely angry with her. "Honestly, I'm just glad you feel like you don't have to keep it a secret any more - that you two are together. Of course, we all knew anyway, but that's beside the point..."

Alisaie nods, and gods above, she's got that same self-satisfied little smile as Lyse does. "Really, if it were any more obvious...even my brother can see you two are head over heels for one another."

"I beg your pardon," Alphinaud protests, putting his hands on his hips. "I am not oblivious, and for the record, I've known for ages--"

I stare between them for a moment longer, then let my head drop into my hands, shoulders shaking a little with embarrassed laughter.

I suppose they're right, though. It isn't a secret how much I care for Thancred, and how much he cares for me, and it shouldn't be treated like one.

Maybe once all this is over with, I'll tell him exactly that.